For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
