You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize