I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
