I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
