We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
