There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize