you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
