how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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