so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
