youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
