So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
