i think my tv is drunk
Just cropdusted the office
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
