This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
