I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
