I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
