I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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