i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
