And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
