the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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