Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
