i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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