Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
