you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
