do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
