You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I met the friendliest cop last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
