All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize