u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
