Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize