My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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