we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We're too hungover to prance.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
