Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
