this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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