what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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