Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
