you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
