we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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