He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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