No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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