I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
