We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
