I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
