Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
