I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize