i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
