I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
