Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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