when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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