we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
