One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
