They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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