You just made me feel so damn special
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
