a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
