nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You need a sexual gate keeper
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
