Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
