i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
