Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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