hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
