Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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