I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
