she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
