at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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