While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My feet surprised me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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