I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
