its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
