If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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