I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize