I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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