omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
