I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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