question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
