Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
