Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
