he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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