CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
