So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
