i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
