chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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