Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
