3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
