dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were trust falling into bushes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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