coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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