I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
