STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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