im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
