lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
