I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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