Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
