you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
